These are my concluding points about “The Strange Woman” from last week. If you didn’t have a chance to read the first 7 points please go back here and start first.
9. She told him she desired him (Proverbs 7:15)
A. Our kids are always desperately longing for approval. If they don’t receive it from us they will go elsewhere to find it. As moms, we need to make sure that we praise our children as much as we criticize them. Are we their biggest cheerleader? Their love tanks should be full so they don’t look elsewhere to fill them.
B. “Therefore came I forth to meet thee, diligently to seek thy face and I have found thee.” (Proverbs 7:15) The definition of the word ‘seek’ in this verse fascinated me: dawn, to be up early at any task with the implication of earnestness, to painstakingly search for, see diligently early in the morning. Everyone wants to feel desired… Men, boys, girls, women… All of us. It’s flattering to feel wanted, however, do we make our husbands feel desired? If we don’t, I believe another woman will. I once heard a woman speak who had been on the verge of divorce. She watched her husband dote on their little girl and wanted him to do the same to her. She said she started watching her daughter. When her husband came through the door their daughter came running and squealing and ran into his arms. She decided to start doing it as well and admitted that it was the first step in her winning her husband over again.
10. Made her bed desirable (Proverbs 7:16)
A. What was this woman telling this young man? “I’ve laid out the best for you!” We need to admit to our kids that sin is desirable and that it is fun – for a season. We also need to make sure that our kids are not getting our left overs. Are we too busy to pay them the attention they need?
B. This could be a touchy subject as well. I know how easy is it to throw all the laundry in our room (and it stays in the corner for days) and to leave projects laying around the room. After all, the master bedroom is normally the biggest. It also is the one company goes in the least so we hide things in there. My husband is VERY possessive of our room. No toys are allowed, the kids are only allowed in there if we are in there, or with permission. However, after a decade of marriage things started to look a little worn.I began project “master bedroom” and slowly I started changing things. We didn’t have a lot of money so I did a little at a time and started small. We over time we bought a new mattress, new sheets, and a comforter. (and I didn’t scrimp, I bought us the good stuff) The next year we splurged and bought a bedroom suite that we both liked. It hasn’t been overnight, and it still isn’t done, but our bedroom is becoming an oasis that we both love and look forward to going in. I want us to love our bedroom over any other place. Let’s make sure our best is for our husband.
11. Smelled nice. (Proverbs 7:17)
A. The devil uses all our senses to tempt us. We need to warn our kids that it is not just our eyes that can get us into trouble, even though they are a big contributor. Their ears can with the music they listen to or be listening to the lies the world tells them, sweet things someone whispers in their ears, or advice they take from friends. Also, our tongue can cause us problems by what we say or even by what we drink. We need to let them know how nice it feels to be touched by someone and how they will crave more if they start down that path. Even how nice someone smells can all be things that cause us to take a second look at a sin we might not have before.
B. One thing I must admit is that this has never been a strong suit of mine. I take a shower every day and use deodorant, but because of my allergies I had always used the excuse it would give me a headache to wear anything else. While that is true for a lot of smells, one day after a pedicure the technician had rubbed Bath and Body Works Vanilla Sugar on my legs. All that evening my boys kept going “What’s that smell? It smells so good!” They couldn’t believe their mommy smelled like that, and it got me to thinking. If my kids noticed and enjoyed me smelling sweet, why wouldn’t the same be true for my husband? I wanted my family to be able to smell a certain smell and think of me … and I didn’t want it to be deodorant. So, I asked my husband to go perfume shopping with me. It took several hours but we both ended up finding one that we both liked for me and for him. Men like things that smell nice, why not have a certain spray you wear just for him – especially on date nights and when your “in the mood?”
12. Offered to pleasure him All. Night. Long. (Proverbs 7:18)
A. “Come, let us take our fill of love until the morning: let us solace ourselves in loves.” (Proverbs 7:18) The root of many of these words fascinated me. Especially the ‘solace’ which meant to leap for joy, wave joyously, peacock. To me this verse is her telling the man “Come on! Let’s have sex all night long until both of us can’t go anymore and have stories to tell everyone about all the crazy things we did.” Like I have said several times, sin is fun. We need to make sure we don’t lie about that part, but we really need to emphasize the consequences of a moment of pleasure compared to a lifetime of joy. When we ask our kids which one they would pick I’m pretty sure they would all pick the life time.
B. I am tired. A lot. Homeschooling four kids, teaching 15 piano students, and doing photography on top of ordinary housework wears me down. I have learned if I look wore out my husband notices and won’t even bring up the subject of being intimate. It is in my court to make sure that I get enough sleep and am not too tired for him. Now I’m not saying that we should make love to our husbands all night long every night, but hear me out. Lately, have we taken the time to focus solely on him and be available to his wants and desires? Is there something new he would like to try? Have you ever tried waking up your husband in the middle of the night for a quickie? At least one time a year do you focus on the intimate side of your marriage? Maybe by going away for a day, or sending the kids to grandma’s overnight?
13. Made it sound naughty. (Proverbs 7:19)
A. The more we make something sound forbidden the more people want it. Case in point: The Garden of Eden. For teens, I think we need to make it sound natural and totally to be desired IN MARRIAGE. We do a horrible job of making marriage sound like something our kids should hold out for.
B. Have you ever talked spicy to your husband? Granted, in marriage it is not naughty, but there are ways to still make it sound that way. My husband and I sometimes send messages back and forth letting the other one know that we are thinking about them. I believe it is important to still flirt with our husbands and make them feel desired.
14. Much fair speech (Proverbs 7:21)
A. Proverbs 7:21 says, “…With her much fair speech she caused him to yield, with the flattering of her lips she forced him…” This verse doesn’t just say “fair speech” it says, “MUCH fair speech.” Much in the original Greek meant “abundance, plenty, multitude.” Fair Speech means “in an active and sinister sense inveiglement.” I wasn’t for sure what inveiglement meant so I googled a definition from Dictionary.com: “to entice, lure, or ensnare by flattery or artful talk or inducements.” Merriam-Webster put it: to win over by wiles. The verse goes on to say she caused him to “yield” which means “bow down.” In other words, the poor guy couldn’t help but listen to all the lovely things she was saying about him, he wanted to hear more and more. “Flattering” meant “smoothness of the tongue like oil.”
B. There are so many verses in Proverbs about the mouth. It has the power to build and it has the power to destroy. Men need praise and respect. How do we show them these things? Well, with our speech. In other words, men need us to praise them all the time. Again, if we don’t’ someone else will. Would our husband say our words are sweet or like vinegar? I am not saying that we aren’t allowed to be mad, but maybe we can hold our tongue until we are cooled down and can discuss it calmly. We don’t want to be called contentious, angry, or brawling like the women described in Proverbs 21:9, 25:24, and 27:15. Would our husband rather dwell in the woods than put up with us? Do we lived in a large home and he still tries to retreat somewhere far away from us? Are we as annoying as a dripping faucet? Do we make everything a contest or quarrel? Do we sow discord and love drama and strife? Do we give them a reason to have vexation, grief, indignation, or provocation? Are we spiteful, provoking, and hateful? Proverbs 30:21-23 says “For three things the earth is disquieted, and for four which it cannot bear:22 For a servant when he reigneth; and a fool when he is filled with meat;23 For an odious woman when she is married; and an handmaid that is heir to her mistress.” Odious means: to hate, hateful, enemy, foe. We should be his biggest cheerleader, however normally after “I do” we are his biggest critic. I’m preaching to the choir here people as I am as guilty in doing this as anybody. We should still flirt with our husband. We should still tell him he is the best-looking guy ever. Do we gush over him in front of others? Sometimes I admit I go a little over board. We still laugh about the time when I told someone he ran a minute mile.
15. Forsakes the guide of her youth and forgets the covenant of her God. (Proverbs 2:17)
A. ‘Forsake’ means to loosen, relinquish, forsake, leave, refuse. ‘Guide’ means a gentle friend. What this verse tells me is that even if we teach our kids everything we should in the right way they still have a free will and can choose not to listen. However, our job is to make sure that they understood right path.
B. What does this verse tell me? That even though I am saved, it can happen to me, and to fall all I must do is forget about God. Start by skipping out of church, then being too busy to pray, and forgetting to read my Bible. Each is a step in not keeping God at the forefront of my mind. If God is not at the forefront, then I am focusing on myself and I can get into all kinds of trouble on my own.
“Never fear to suffer, but oh! Fear to sin. If you must choose between them, prefer the greatest suffering to the smallest sin.” Thomas Guthrie
We need to remember that none of us are above becoming the “strange woman.” For example, the woman in Proverbs was married. Even if we know to do right and have ever since we were young, and even if we grew up in church, and had the best parents we are a one decision away from falling. I can’t help but think of Sampson and David.
David was a man committed to the reality of prayer. He prayed over nearly everything – except never once in the Bible do you find David praying about His love life. Not once – it was perhaps the on area of his life he never yielded, and it almost crushed him.
– Beth Moore.
16. Thinks no one will ever find out (Proverbs 7:20)
A. She convinced the young man that there would be no consequences. We need to continually remind our kids that you reap what you sow. My mom always reminded me before I was married that if I had sex before I got married there would be no big wedding. This married woman chased after a young man we need to protect our kids from not only kids their own ages, but also Adults. Are we being diligent to make sure they are not alone with the opposite sex no matter the age or relation? This day and age, sadly, it just isn’t safe.
B. Proverbs 5:21 says, “For the ways of man are before the eyes of the Lord, and he pondereth all his goings. For the ways of man are before the eyes of the Lord, and he pondereth all his goings.” Even if we think no one will ever find out, we need to remember God is always watching us. He sees where we go, who we flirt with, who we are talking to online, or what pictures we send on our phone. So, in summary, what steps can we take to keep from becoming a strange woman?
- Stay far away from compromising situations
- If you find yourself in a compromising situation – FLEE
- Dress modestly
- Get rest
- Think before you speak
- Strive for a quiet spirit
- Love and Listen to instruction
- Be content with home
- Watch how you touch/ treat the opposite sex
- Be honest and open with your husband
- Be available to your husband and have fun together
- Listen to gentle teachers
- Remember who you belong to.
One last thing, but I believe most important because if we follow if the list above will come naturally, Proverbs 5:1-4 talks solely about reading God’s word and memorizing it. When God’s word takes preeminence in our life, it helps us keep all the above list and gives us wisdom and understanding. Resisting temptation isn’t just about running away – it is about what we should be running towards: God.